Anthony’s Gardening Tip of the Day

Hey Jeselnik fans…Raj the blogger here.  Man, if you guys were around the office like I am, you’d realize that Anthony isn’t just hilarious, he also gives out a lot of great advice.  Like take this gardening tip he threw my way when I told him I was gonna do a little gardening this weekend:

“Maybe you could plant Ageratina altissima, more commonly known as white snakeroot.  Once it’s grown, please eat a bunch of it and then invite me over.  It’s a poisonous plant and I’d love to watch you take your last breath.  Azaleas are always a nice touch, too.”

Another great tip from Anthony!

Anthony’s Grooming Tip of the Day

Hey Jeselnik fans…Raj the blogger here.  Man, if you guys were around the office like I am, you’d realize that Anthony isn’t just hilarious, he also gives out a lot of great advice.  Like take this grooming tip he threw my way when I told him I’m shaving my beard:

“Good, you look fucking terrible.  But, frankly, you’ll still look terrible.  Also, when you’re shaving, you should really take the razor and run it over the radial arteries in each wrist.  All of humanity will feel much better about your grooming then.”

Another great tip from Anthony!

Anthony’s Retirement Tip of the Day

Hey Jeselnik fans…Raj the blogger here.  Man, if you guys were around the office like I am, you’d realize that Anthony isn’t just hilarious, he also gives out a lot of great advice.  Like take this retirement tip he threw my way when I told him I’ve never even thought about retirement:

“What you want to do just before you retire, and, I mean specifically you, is kill yourself.  That said, it’ never too early to retire.  Was I clear?  Kill yourself.”

Another great tip from Anthony!

Anthony’s Date Spot Tip of the Day

Hey Jeselnik fans…Raj the blogger here.  Man, if you guys were around the office like I am, you’d realize that Anthony isn’t just hilarious, he also gives out a lot of great advice.  Like take this date spot tip he threw my way when I told him I have a date this weekend:

“A great date spot is to go skydiving.  And, when you jump out of the plane, don’t pull your parachute chord.  She’ll be into that, I’ll be into it and so will all of humanity.”

Another great tip from Anthony!

Anthony’s Grilling Tip of the Day

Hey Jeselnik fans…Raj the blogger here.  Man, if you guys were around the office like I am, you’d realize that Anthony isn’t just hilarious, he also gives out a lot of great advice.  Like take this grilling tip he threw my way when I asked him if he wanted to come to a barbecue I’m throwing:

“I don’t wanna go to your stupid fucking barbecue.  Do yourself a favor.  Cancel the barbecue and toss yourself on the grill until you catch fire and burn to death making all of humanity overwhelmed with joy.”

Another great tip from Anthony!

Anthony Cooking Tip of the Day

Hey Jeselnik fans…Raj the blogger here.  Man, if you guys were around the office like I am, you’d realize that Anthony isn’t just hilarious, he also gives out a lot of great advice.  Like take this cooking tip he threw my way when we bumped into each other in the break room and I asked him what he’s having for lunch:

“I’m having a roast beef sandwich, myself.  But, here’s what you should make for yourself — a nice warm plate of shut the fuck up!  And, wash it down with a glass of Douche Juice.”

Another great tip from Anthony!

Anthony’s Investment Tip of the Day

Hey Jeselnik fans…Raj the blogger here.  Man, if you guys were around the office like I am, you’d realize that Anthony isn’t just hilarious, he also gives out a lot of great advice.  Like take this investment tip he threw my way after I asked him what he’d do if he had some spare cash:

“I’d buy shares in GM and Ford.  U.S. auto sales are increasing.  But, before I did that with my spare cash, I’d hire a hit man to shoot you, and then hand you a mirror so you could then watch yourself bleed to death, you annoying piece of human garbage.”

Another great tip from Anthony!

Anthony’s Dating Tip of the Day

Hey Jeselnik fans…Raj the blogger here.  Man, if you guys were around the office like I am, you’d realize that Anthony isn’t just hilarious, he also gives out a lot of great advice.  Like take this dating tip he threw my way after I told him I was going to a visit the aquarium over the weekend with “the guys”:

“Get a girlfriend, dipshit.  And, while you’re at it, get some cooler friends.”

Another great tip from Anthony!

Anthony’s Workout Tip of the Day

Hey Jeselnik fans…Raj the blogger here.  Man, if you guys were around the office like I am, you’d realize that Anthony isn’t just hilarious, he also gives out a lot of great advice.  Like take this workout tip he threw my way after I told him I joined a gym:

"When you’re doing crunches, tilt your torso to the side so you work your oblique muscles.  And, then, after that, think about some plastic surgery."

Another great tip from Anthony!

Anthony’s Dieting Tip of the Day

Hey Jeselnik fans…Raj the blogger here.  Man, if you guys were around the office like I am, you’d realize that Anthony isn’t just hilarious, he also gives out a lot of great advice.  Like take this dieting tip he threw my way after I told him I’m trying to get in better shape:

"Raj, getting in better shape’s not gonna help you.  You should probably just stick to prostitutes."

Another great tip from Anthony!